I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
