I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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