so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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