and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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