That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
