I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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