Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
