ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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