My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
