yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
