cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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