I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
