I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
