I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
