as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize