Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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