ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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