So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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