I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
