I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
