A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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