Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
