Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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