I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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