I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
