Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
