Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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