Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize