we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they need to just BURY HIM!
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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