This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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