I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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