drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
COCAINE IS GR8
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
