If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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