First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
