Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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