Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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