this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
