god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
BRING THE BAGELS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
