I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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