i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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