And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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