I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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