$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
