i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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