hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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