you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
