i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
