Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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