Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
