im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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