Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
