I wish I could punch you in the face.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
