woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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