so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
