I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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