Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
