I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
