I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
