She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
