apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
