You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
