So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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