Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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