meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
