she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
